Oh…the title. Yeah, see, I’m blog-blocked (more on that in a minute). Kiki says we get more hits from “high search” terms. Fact: google people are really interested in Patricia Heaton’s belly button and whether a spray tan will make them fat (and also big Polish sausages, and how many WW points are in lint…no [...]

• Gel, Mousse Spray Hair Care Store

• Patricia Wexler M.D. Anti-Aging Products Skin Care Store

Continue reading → Big Fat Denial a/k/a Keely Shay Smith’s Spray Tan and Patricia Heaton’s Belly Button

Here’s a Greta’s Greatest Hits from April of ‘08 (on account of I had a total blog-noonan this morning and couldn’t come up with something…it could happen to anyone right?) 
Here she is. My bathroom scale. I call her Low-la. 

I think it’s ironic, like calling a bald man curly. Low-la hates me actually. Over the years [...]

• Bathroom Plumbing Fixtures Home Improvement

• Sinks Bathroom Plumbing Fixtures Home Improvement

Continue reading → My Bathroom Scale is Evil….for serious…

For this past Mother’s Day, my loser husband bought me a one hour massage.
There really isn’t much I endulge in as far as commercial pampering. No manicures, no pedicures. I have a Ped Egg and some good polish and I’m good to go. I get a professional cut and color 3 times a year and do [...]

• Commercial Real Estate Opportunities

• Tee Times Green Fees Golf

Continue reading → Massage Ettiquette

I see Kiki’s Dara Torres workout of yesterday and raise her the reason why none of us will ever have to diet/workout again.
There’s a miracle product out there people. In about 30 minutes, it sucks your fat back, reduces your “drag time” and makes you 2% faster. Ta da!!

Aw yeah. I could probably become a youtube [...]

• People Statues Yard Art Garden D cor Yard, Garden Outdoor Living

• Atkins Diet Weight Management

Continue reading → I Will Never Have to Diet Again!!!!! (but I’ll have to wear my pancreas as a necklace)

Happy Monday morning!!!!
 I’m back and suffering from serious post-vacation reentry syndrome. I’ve missed you all terribly. We had a marvelous time and my vacation stats are as follows:
* went without makeup or hair product for 7 days and as far as I know, none of my family members or wildlife were traumatized by this (mercifully, [...]

• Hair Color Hair Care Store

• Hair Dryers Hair Care Store

Continue reading → Vacation Back Fat

Ok y’all. We are leaving for the lake in 1o hours. By the time you read this, we’ll have been there for 2 or 3 days already (through the magic of the interwebs). In the process of doing the pre-trip laundry, cleaning, packing, I had a lot of time for introspection (ok, not really time per [...]

Continue reading → How Rough Can You Take It?

So it’s low carb. DAM -MIT!!!
Except I’ve been religiously low carb for 9 days. I’ve lost 5 pounds. We leave for the lake in 3 days. But it’s going to be ok right? It’s just the four of us. Me, my husband and the kids. We’re cooking everything we eat. It won’t be like last year. [...]

• Discount Low Carb Products Cheap Weight Loss Journal Low Carb Store

• Low Carb Diet Weight Management

Continue reading → Welcome to My Anxiety Attack. Have Some Dip.

T-minus 5 days in the Vacation Fat Emergency. We are living for the lake on Saturday. There will be sun, there will be fun, there will be me in a swimsuit.
I am on day 7 of Atkins induction. I have been good as gold. I have lost 2 pounds.
So…I whipped out the ketostix this morning [...]

• Atkins Diet Weight Management

• Survival Emergency Gear Camping Hiking

Continue reading → O Mighty Ketosis…osis….osis

The other day I posted about my tips for dealing with those extra pounds that I was planning to lose before vacation, but didn’t. Among other things, I ordered new bathing suits online. Well…they came today.
This one was a bust, I’m afraid. I dunno, it just didn’t hold me in like I was hoping and [...]

• Survival Emergency Gear Camping Hiking

• Guides, Tips Ferrules Rod Building Repair Fishing

Continue reading → Vacation Fat Emergency II - I’m Saved!!!!!

As always, I started out the year with the best of intentions. Kiki has reported that since starting this blog, she has lost 13 pounds. Woot! I, unfortunately, have ended up with a net gain of about 6 lbs. She’s lucky I’m contractually required to think she is awesome.
 Ok, but my vacation starts [...]

• Survival Emergency Gear Camping Hiking

• Lucky Men Discount Fragrances Store

Continue reading → Vacation Fat Emergency

Yesterday, I posted about The Summer ‘08 Great Closet Purge. As I suspected, we all have that one dress/pair of jeans/mini skirt/bikini that we hang on to year after year, thinking maybe just maybe someday…
Well, in my case, I realized that the fall-out from my closet purge(not to mention the reason why I don’t fit in [...]

• Real Estate Opportunities

• Businesses for Sale Opportunities

Continue reading → I AM My Muffin Top (Part II)

It’s inevitable.
 Every year, sometimes twice a year I feel a swelling unease that consumes my thoughts to a point I can’t bear. Until it finally crescendoes into day long, frenzied closet/drawer purge.
Gah!
It happened this weekend. When it was over, I had six yard bags filled to the brim. They are stacked in my dining room awaiting transport to [...]

• Evening Bags Handbags

• Stand Bags Carry Bags Golf Bags Golf

Continue reading → I AM My Muffin Top (Part I)

Previously on Back Feels to Traction Heals*: Greta began seeing Chad, the aspiring fireman/physical therapist. She’d experienced some numbness in her hands and feet for which she freaked out about, convinced herself she had no less than twelve terminal debilitating illnesses and ended up in the emergency room with a panick attack one day after work calmly and rationally sought the advice of [...]

• Terminal Accessories Terminal Tackle Fishing

• Terminal Tackle Fishing

Continue reading → Back Feels to Traction Heals: Vol. III

Ugh. Food/sun/pool/fireworks coma here. How ’bout you?
A few days ago, I decided to go on South Beach Supercharged. Except I refuse to do the Phase I/like Atkins induction. Of course, I blew the holiday weekend. I have to start over. Which got me thinking…what day of the week do you like to start your diet? [...]

• South Beach Diet Weight Management

• Atkins Diet Weight Management

Continue reading → Monday is D-Day…Unless You’re Bin Laden

I’d planned to a whole “look at me!” post.  It was going to be awesome. 8-10 lbs….GONE! About a month ago, I started hard core Atkins again. I kept it a secret because I was afraid to jinx it (hmmm….should have thought of that BEFORE starting this weight loss/health/humor blog). I made it to day 13. [...]

• Hard Candy Eye Shadow Makeup Store

• Victorias Secret Eye Shadow Makeup Store

Continue reading → Supercharge Me!